


Like Ships in the Night

by vix_spes



Category: Spooks | MI-5
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Episode Tag, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-09
Updated: 2015-03-09
Packaged: 2018-03-17 00:57:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3509201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vix_spes/pseuds/vix_spes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucas takes time to lament lost opportunities.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like Ships in the Night

Lucas stood at a fair distance from the rest of the funeral party as he watched the Union Jack-draped coffin lowered into the ground. As he did so, he couldn't help but wonder what Adam would have thought of all this pomp and ceremony; wonder who had thought that all of this was the best way forward. That it was what Adam wanted. Is this what happened when members of the Secret Intelligence Service died? In death they received all the recognition that they could never have in life? It certainly wasn't something that Lucas wanted for himself when it was his time to go. Then again, who knew if it would be offered to him. Tearing his eyes away from the coffin, he scanned the black-clad mourners, searching out familiar faces. The whole of section D was there – Harry, Ros and Jo, even Malcolm and Connie. He recognised the current head of MI6 as well but then that wasn't entirely surprising given the fact that Adam had originally started out as an MI6 agent. There were even a couple of big-wigs from the Ministry of Defence.

As his gaze moved back towards the coffin, his eyes focused on a small mop of blond hair stood nearest to the coffin. How had he forgotten about Adam's son? The boy must be Wes. Was that his name? Adam had talked about him of course, but Lucas had never met him. He was part of that portion of Adam's life that Lucas hadn't had anything to do with. He spared a glance for the older couple that the boy was clinging to, his grandparents, Lucas assumed and thus Adam's parents as he couldn't imagine why Fiona's parents would be there. Adam's parents, his family, yet another facet of Adam's life that Lucas had never truly known about. 

It had just never been the right time for them and never had Lucas regretted that more. Because, of course, the irony was that they had finally had the time to see what this could become and it had been snatched away from them. Not that they had even discussed it, it had just been implicitly assumed. Lucas was more than aware that, after eight years in a prison cell, he was nowhere near ready to dive straight into a relationship, hell, he probably shouldn't even be back at work, but that hadn't stopped him from wanting it.

It certainly hadn't stopped them from finding a hotel room on nights when Adam could leave his son, something that had happened a couple of times since Lucas had been released back into British custody. The sex was still as explosive as it had ever been, but it wasn't anything more than sex. There were no gentle kisses or touches, everything was a fight for dominance; fierce and almost violent. Who knew if the tenderness, the love would have grown if it were given the chance to flourish. For Lucas, the important thing was that the time with Adam made him feel something, other than a slight apathy. It made him feel alive where he generally felt as though he were simply going through the motions. 

The two of them had actually met for the first time years ago in the Middle East. At the time, Lucas was still living under his birth name of John Bateman and working primarily in Senegal. However, he had met Adam in a bar in Egypt, although the other man had introduced himself as Nick Harding. They had spent two heady days together, barely leaving Lucas' hotel room until the third day, when Lucas had woken up and there was no trace at all that the other man had ever been there. 

Lucas had thought of this Nick from time to time but shortly after his spell in Egypt, he had been stranded in Dakar and the events that had led to him joining MI5 had swiftly been put in motion. It was several years after Lucas had joined MI5 that he ran across Adam Carter again on a joint MI5/MI6 op. Joint operations between the two branches had never been particularly common but, as terrorism and threats against the UK had become more complex and more global, they had become a necessity. Due to their specialisms, Adam and Lucas had been assigned to an operation together and had fairly quickly found themselves in a sort-of relationship. It hadn't worked out well. Adam was still embroiled in a complicated relationship with the widow of an asset. He had had an affair with her which had resulted in Adam's torture when the asset had discovered their relationship and had only ended when Adam had framed the asset and he had been hanged. The lingering guilt, as far as Lucas could see, was the only thing stopping Adam from being with the widow and it caused friction between the two of them. They were arguing more and, inevitably, one of them would end up leaving the bed and sleeping on the couch. The sex was good but it wasn't good enough. Lucas wanted all or nothing and when Adam didn't seem willing to make the decision, Lucas made it for him. The instant that the joint op was completed, Lucas returned to running his missions in Russia and, not long before his capture and subsequent imprisonment, Lucas had heard that Adam had got married. 

A flash of movement caught Lucas' eye and pulled him from his memories. The service was over and the mourners were undoubtedly departing for the wake, somewhere that Lucas had no intention of joining them. He had no desire to mourn publicly and reminisce about Adam in hushed, reverent tones. He would do his mourning in private, alone but for his memories and a bottle of vodka. He would say his own private goodbye to the love that, in the right place and at the right time, could have been a light in the darkness for both him and Adam.

**Author's Note:**

> If you would prefer to comment on LJ, you can do so [here](http://vix-spes.livejournal.com/184395.html)


End file.
